Happiness Is Not a Finite Resource
The more we focus on our intrinsic values, the less threatened we will feel by the success of other people.
Oftentimes my happiness feels threatened when I see someone else succeeding. Anxiety and self-doubt ensue, and I start to think, "I'm not doing well enough, and I'm not going to succeed." Fear kicks in, and I begin to think that I'm inadequate simply because someone else is succeeding.
Pretty ridiculous, right? Jealousy can be a confusing and irrational emotion, and honestly, a lot of times, it doesn't make sense. But if I've learned anything from trying to assess my jealous feelings, it's that jealousy often indicates that we have lost touch with our inner selves and are mistakenly assigning our self-worth and inherent value to external achievements rather than looking within.
We often think that happiness is limited - that it is scarce. We see life as a finite pizza pie, and if someone takes a slice of it, then that means there is less to go around. But recently I've been asking myself, "Why do you think there is only one pie? Why can't we all eat our respective slices and be happy?"
I've spent a lot of my life living in a scarcity mindset (thinking resources are limited) vs. an abundance mindset (thinking there are enough resources for everyone). Let's be real, life often feels competitive. Starting from high school where only a certain number of people get into certain colleges, to the work world where the road to your ideal job is often full of rejections, and to working at your ideal job where bonuses and promotions are limited. And in my experience, spending three years in law school where only a certain number of people could obtain an “A” in each class and only the absolute top of the class would receive a job offer from a prestigious law firm. All of these experiences, cumulatively, subconsciously ingrained in my mind that there is a limited amount of success and thus happiness to go around.
As I have been spending much time self-reflecting and trying to understand my insecurities, self-judgments, and fears, I have started to question situations in which I experience jealousy. Recently, I saw someone on Instagram who was growing and succeeding in their mental health podcast, and I immediately felt bad about my own podcast, Life Unpotted. I started to think that this meant that my podcast wouldn't succeed and felt insecure, anxious, and hit with a wave of self-doubt. But this time, I refused to let jealousy consume me. Instead, I dug deep and recognized I was fearful that the more people who listen to their podcast, the fewer people would listen to mine. A belief that was unfounded and illogical as success is not a finite resource.
I continued to question my belief system. Why wouldn’t I be happy seeing another podcaster succeeding in accomplishing the same mission? Why does it matter if I'm the one spreading the message? It doesn't. It's not about me; it's about the larger goal of helping people. So if I was genuinely happy and supportive of the other podcaster, and then why did I feel jealous? I realized I was jealous because I was equating my self-worth with my productivity and success. So, on a deeper level, if someone else was growing their podcast, I wasn't actually jealous because I didn't want them to share their mission or succeed, but rather, I felt that I was no longer good enough because I wasn't doing so.
I was failing to recognize that my value, like yours, is fixed. I had lost sight of the importance of cultivating an intrinsic value system where my worth is not tied to external accomplishments or failures. Because no matter what is happening in your life, you are always whole and complete, and this is not something that can ever change.
The more we focus on our intrinsic values, the less threatened we will feel by the success of other people. Because we will know, with confidence, that no matter what you achieve in your life, no matter what you obtain, happiness is always within.
So, the next time you find yourself feeling jealous or insecure, remind yourself of two things: (1) there is an unlimited amount of slices in the happiness pie to go around, and (2) regardless of how many people around you are succeeding and achieving their goals, you are just as worthy as anyone else.
Thanks for reading :)
Listen to the Life Unpotted Podcast: