What's it Mean To Connect With Yourself?
Have you ever noticed how difficult even ordinary tasks feel when you’re disconnected from yourself?
Have you ever noticed how difficult even ordinary tasks feel when you’re disconnected from yourself? Or on the contrary, just how natural things feel when you feel connected to yourself? I chose to write this newsletter on this topic as a vehicle to better understand, how do I connect with myself?
What’s the importance of connecting with yourself? What does it mean to be connected to yourself? And why can it feel so difficult to connect to yourself?
I came across this definition of self-connection in a medical publication, and I want to unpack my thoughts on it.
I really love how this piece breaks down a formula to understanding something that can feel elusive. However, formula’s alone are not an immediate solve, simply just a tool to be used and a spot to begin.
1) An Awareness of Oneself
When I read this, I interpreted it as a knowing of when you are sad, happy, frustrated and so on. Simply being aware of your emotional state. Sounds like something you might ask a 4-year-old, right?It’s something very basic, however, just because it’s simple does not mean it is known nor put into practice by the majority. We can all benefit from being reminded to slow down and become aware of how we’re feeling.
It’s really all about slowing down right? We can’t tap into how we are feeling if we are moving a million miles a minute. For example, imagine you were driving on the interstate, going 70 miles an hour, and you try to read a billboard - you can’t really take your eyes off the road to fully take it in. You don’t pick up on the font, colors and you may even miss the messaging.
Now imagine you have just sat in meditation, you feel in-tune with your breath and are actually present in this moment. Now look at the billboard that sits in front of you. You may notice the spacing between letters. The color pallet used. Or you may even smile at the message it contains because you realize you like it. You can truly see what is in front of you. Welcome to the present moment, now put your hand on your heart and the other on your stomach. What do you feel inside? Do you feel sad? Overwhelmed? Hurt? Unnoticed?
2) An Acceptance of Oneself Based on This Awareness
How many times have you woken up so anxious that you felt a sense of urgency to go, go, go? Run to the coffee shop. Make plans. Clean your house. Doing this, all the while, not taking a minute to become aware of how you feel? This is denying yourself of what you are feeling. Having countless experiences where I ignored the hurt and instead ran to a cafe to slurp down a fancy $6 latte, hoping for it to be my remedy, only to be further trapped in an emotion that I couldn’t name has made me well-versed in this experience of cyclical avoidance. So much so that I’ve reached rock bottom countless times, so I’ve been compelled to try another strategy.
I’ve found that again, slowing down, acknowledging and giving love to the feeling is really what allows our world to open up. For example, I chose this topic of disconnection because I wasn’t feeling connected to myself. Half way through writing this I find it funny that I referenced this medical article for a tool to connect to myself when I have used Tara Brach’s RAIN practice numerous times - I was in such a state of disconnection that it didn’t even dawn on me to reference this practice till now. But that’s kind of the point I want to get across - it’s never the tool that’s helping us - it’s us. We look to tools to help us get started (because that’s the hardest part), and once we’re connected to ourselves we know exactly what to do. Because when we are connected to ourselves, we are connected to the greater intelligence. Or looking at it through the Buddhist’s perspective, the idea of the individual perspective is an illusion and it’s impossible to be disconnected from our surroundings.
3) An Alignment of One's Behavior with This Awareness
If you’re anxious, are you going to drink caffeine, and if you’re sad, are you going to go to a loud party? The answer may seem obvious - but if you’re unaware of your inner state, you may see drinking coffee as a way to feel better. You may see going to a party and drinking alcohol the same way. If you’re able to become aware of and accept what you’re feeling - nurturing and taking care of yourself is just as important. So, of course, this is instinctual? Then why do so many people drink caffeine despite being anxious? We think the answer is outside of us - we think we can run away from how we’re feeling. Simply, neither are true. Believing this is believing in an illusion. Something that is not based in truth. And truth is undeniable. It’s not necessarily fun, exciting or a thrill. But truth is real.
Truth is choosing to sit in bed upon waking up to meditate, breathe, or however you express the act of sitting with yourself, despite every cell of your body wanting to run to the first distraction you can think of. This makes me think of the lyric from a Kacey Musgraves song “I'd rather lose for what I am than win for what I ain't” - to me this signifies never abandoning yourself, learning to take care of your emotional state and to honor and meet your emotional needs - even if it doesn’t look like how you want it to.
The Truth Will Set You Free
A big take away I have from meandering on self-connection is that being connected to yourself isn’t going to be absent from pain, discomfort or hurt - but when you allow yourself to be there through it all you learn what it means to live within moments that are real, raw and ultimately full of love. Learning to show love toward ourselves is the ultimate way to broaden our world and find enjoyment in this life we all get to dance through together.
Until next week,
Daisy <3
P.S If you want to hear more from us, listen to today’s podcast episode, The Illusion of Happiness: Discovering Inner Peace.
This article resonated so much - I love this breakdown of connection to self, definitely top of mind for me this week!